New Years Eve ponderings

I've never been a big fan of New Years Eve. It's hard to say why exactly but I suspect that over the years I have set my expectations too high. It's the climax of the year and it should end well...it should end the way you want the next year to begin. At least that has always been my belief. This year we have no big plans, and that is intentional, after all the travelling we have done this year, not to mention over Christmas itself. I am quite content to be still for a while. To take some time to replenish my energy, because of that I am in need, despite the time spent relaxing on a beach last week. Physical relaxation is great of course, but if the mind does not want to relax then you don't stand a chance really.

So, recapping on 2009, it's been one very amazing and unique year and it naturally falls into 3 parts...three chapters almost.

Chapter 1 was spent as a part-time yoga teacher - very much immersing myself in learning, practicing and teaching. Building my confidence as a relatively new teacher. I didn't truly appreciate it at the time but the fact that I was in this phase proved oh-so valuable in coping with the undercurrents of what was to come finally to fruition later in the year.

Chapter 2 was very unsettled, wondering if and when we might be changing countries again. We also took a visit back to our homeland and spent some wonderful weeks with family and friends which allowed us some freedom and a brief escape from all the wondering, even if it was only temporary.

The 3rd and final chapter saw us moving to Hong Kong. Just for a year. Despite the short time frame and in the end the extremely short notice to Go...it involved a huge amount of paperwork and well, stress. And here we are, 3 months later, pretty much settled in our apartment, in the physical sense.

And yes, on the last day of the year, I am still wrestling with the new lifestyle I find myself in. Suddenly the year ahead is wide open. Full of opportunity. Full of choice. And no doubt reasonably full of travel. It's all positive. So why do I feel fear creeping in? I suspect it's once again to do with expectation. High expectations of myself. There are so many things I could do with my time and I feel I should be doing as many of them as possible. After all, this is the first time in my life that I have not had a job at all and for that to be OK. The times I've been jobless before have all been stressful times, when I needed to have a job to survive. It's also easy to use your job to define yourself, to give you an identity. "I am a secretary, I am a yoga teacher"... you automatically present an image of yourself for other people and yourself. I realise this is false and that we are not what we do, but it's hard to get away from.

So whilst I am not setting new years resolutions...I am setting intentions for the new year and lets just hope that I can get out of my own way and let that opportunity find me in 2010.