December has actually been a bit of a roller coaster month. Just a small roller coaster, nothing too dramatic but it has been enough to keep me from wanting to look some of my emotions in the face, by blogging. Instead, I've found other things to occupy my time, not all of them terribly useful as I have been finding it hard to get motivated. Not having a job or a regular routine has been a factor. Being in a new city and having to find a new life can bring forth all sorts of new and wonderful possibilities and opportunities but it can also bring forth overwhelming feelings and they can creep up on you and really take you by surprise.
One day, all is well, you feel good, feel like you are settled and "at one" with your new life and then the next day, you feel like you've been knocked over the head with a heavy object and you're reeling, not sure quite what to do about anything. At least that is how it's been for me. The good news is that those days I get whacked on the head do tend to propel me into action. It may take a day or two though to pick myself up and dust myself down. But that's OK. I am learning that timing in life cannot be controlled or scheduled and that is not easy for me to accept...but I am doing my best. I get frustrated that I have not made more progress, whatever that means. I think to me, it means that having always had a full time job up until a little over a year ago, I'm used to being busy, having my time filled but not necessarily with things I want it filled with. Now I have a chance to fill it with almost anything I want. Within reason. And what am I doing? Good question. I am still working that out but in the meantime I am being a tourist, I'm being a wife, a yoga student, a travel co-ordinator and last week, a host to our very first visitors - Yay! All those things are good and I am lucky to be in a place where I can simply be those things without a need or a demand to be anything else and yet....I think there is something else....maybe I'll find it in 2010.
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