Surrender

Sometimes you just have to give in. Surrender.

Since the new year began I have been somewhat determined to get myself "out there", doing things, making friends, making this "thing" happen! But it has not quite worked out that way, at least not so far anyway. Apparently, according to the planets and the stars that is no surprise; it was not a good time for new starts at the beginning of January due to various cosmic configurations and influences. Whether or not you believe that is neither here nor there, I mention it because I took note of it, found it interesting and it helped me not to be so hard on myself for not having made as much progress with my "new life" as I would have liked.

At this point I could start up again about how hard it can be to make new friends in a new country, how challenging it can be to find satisfying things to do when you have no job to go to, how lonely it can be when you are in a new and exciting part of the world but your husband seems either never to be home or is constantly working all hours of the day and night. All the negatives!

We, as humans are good at picking out all the negative things about our lives. Especially us Brits I fear :-) So...I'm not going to rant on about any of the above...I am noticing them all though, and some days more than others. I find that staying present helps to stop the "What ifs" and the "I remember whens" and it's where I try to spend my time these days..even if I'm not exactly where I want to be, I trust that I am exactly where I am meant to be.

So in addition to the planets not being in perfect alignment during the last few weeks, I managed to catch a cold which has stuck around for over a week now. I did my best to completely ignore it for the best part of a week until it started to get even worse, at which point, I decided to surrender. I cancelled my evening plans and made my way home through the Hong Kong rush hour. Not a good place to be when you have a streaming cold and a head that feels like it is about to explode. Anyway, I got back to the apartment and stayed there for 2 days. The most amazing part is that the roof top work and the construction below us both appeared to end on that very day so I actually had a Sanctuary to wallow in. It was quite a momentous occasion. This is the first time since our arrival, with the exception of Sundays and public holidays that the apartment has been peaceful. I was almost glad that I was ill and had an excuse to spend some quiet time in this new quiet place I'd found! I cancelled all the plans I'd made for the following two days and had some much needed "hermit" time.

Alan has been away again this week so it really has been solitary time for me and my mind has been very active, even if my body hasn't. I've noticed that it's not so much that I'm not very good at making friends, it's that I am very selective with my friends :-) I am not really interested in vague and superficial conversation. It's not that I can't do it...but that I don't want to do it. My friendships are relationships which call for a certain level of commitment and I like that.

I've noticed that I want to do things, see new places, learn new skills but my time is still precious to me, despite how much of it I have these days. I don't want to throw myself into a million things that have little value to me. I'd rather do one thing a week that really resonates with me and I feel good about. So I don't take up every single opportunity presented to me...only if it appeals to me and resonates on some level. Now this, I fear, is where I am (supposedly) "missing out". And I feel this is where judgement may arise. Judgement from "other people". Judgement that I am sensitive to, despite my own beliefs. But once again I need to remind myself that I can only experience this MY way. There is no point pretending to be somebody I'm not just to get a bit more social activity and I'm OK with that. The consensus for expats in Hong Kong seems to be "do as much as you can, just keep busy and you'll be fine. Before long you will have so many friends/acquaintances that you won't have enough time to fit it all in". That is just not my style.

Having said all that, I have to cut this post short because I have a date. Afternoon tea at the Grand Hyatt with a few ladies. I figure I like tea and I like nice hotels and I like conversation with my tea and cake...and you never know, today may be the day when the conversation manages to get past the essential niceties and introductions that go hand in hand with these events.

Social Solitude

Yes, it has been noisy here lately, in the apartment. The rooftop work is a bit erratic and some days it's been almost bearable, once you get used to the background rumblings and on other days, like yesterday for example, it can feel like someone is drilling through YOUR roof. I was sure they were coming through yesterday. Anyway, the good news is work is due to complete for the beginning of next week, fingers crossed.

I promised myself on my last blog entry that this would be a good opportunity to get out and about and do some hikes and be a tourist. It's actually a great time for both of the above and the weather is perfect for hiking. Most days are dry and the sun usually makes an appearance at some point in the day and temperatures jump between 10 and 18 degrees centigrade. And best of all, no obvious humidity! I should really be making the most of these days, once it hots up and the humidity kicks in, I will not want to be hiking out there.

So today I joined the AWA on an "easy hike" which by the way, wasn't. It did however reward us with some fabulous views both of the city and the rural, unspoilt side of the island. The mist was still hovering in the early morning sun. It was beautiful.

It was a fairly large group today, which you'd think would make it very social. Maybe for some it was. In fact I am pretty sure it was for most. For me though, not really. It's interesting how events like this can present two possible reactions. It can be really good to meet new people, in the same situation as you, in a strange country, learning new things, experiencing the same obstacles and challenges and it can feel so good to share and talk and realise "you are not the only one". It's very therapeutic. It was like that last week when I joined another excursion to a monastery, followed by a group lunch. Today though, despite all the women in the same boat as me, I felt lonely. Maybe because they actually weren't in the same boat as me today. Most of them were meeting "old" friends there and as they excitedly caught up with each other, discussing what they did over christmas, talking about the latest happenings with their children and their schooling and the hired help, it wasn't easy to join in the conversations. I had a couple of nice conversations with some nice people but as it always will be on these occasions, especially when you are brand new to a group, the conversation was a bit superficial, and you're hiking up hills, huffing and puffing, so you naturally want to keep it short and to the point...or maybe that's just me.

Anyway, I could ramble on, but my point is that I found myself pulling back from the crowd and simply enjoying the view and the hike. It was more like a guided walk than a social walk today, and that was OK. Of course it got me thinking though, about my friends. Far away friends. I am very lucky to have the friends I have and with the wonders of email and skype I'm still very much in touch with many of them but there is nothing quite like meeting up with a good friend, in the flesh, and looking them in the eye as you speak! Yes, I know that's an obvious thing to say, but I don't have that luxury right now, and today I felt it. Probably didn't help that Alan is away this week too, so it's just Me, here in Hong Kong. It's quite surreal at times.

I wonder how it will feel next week.

Sanctuary 0 : Noise Pollution 2

I don't respond well to noise. Never have. If you have been reading my facebook updates you'll know that I have on several occasions, complained about noise here. Since we moved in we have been subject to all manner of noises resulting from the demolition of a building alongside us. The actual building has been down for weeks now but still there is the sound of the constant scraping of building remains, which starts at 8am sharp every morning and tonight did not end until 7pm. I assume the ground needs to be prepared for the next high-rise. I had just about come to terms with that and it's true, whilst I am no fonder of the sounds of construction, with time, you do get used to it. Or your senses dull.

However today, work began on our roof. I say work, because I don't actually know what they are doing up there, we received a memo but it didn't go into much detail. All we know is it's scheduled for the next 2 weeks, from Monday to Saturday from approximately 9am-6pm.

I'm not sure if it's just a winter thing but I am more inclined to be inside at the moment. I usually prefer to be outdoors, but at the moment, I just want to be at home. I seem to need my sanctuary. Well, after today, I think I am going to have to get over it. Wow. I felt like somebody was drilling into my head...fitting really given the drilling was directly above us, although there were 13 floors between us. My heart really goes out to the people in the Penthouse, and it's not often I'd say that! :-)

So today I had some things I wanted to do at home this morning, so I carried on, played music, did the hoovering...anything that would create a diverting noise, but no....by lunchtime my head was pounding...determined as I was, I tried to ignore it...although that was impossible. By mid afternoon I gave in, and vacated the apartment. At least I'd be greeted with relative peace and quiet outside, right? Wrong! I have no idea if it was just me today being exceptionally sensitive to noise or if Wanchai and Central have started a stream of new development projects in the last few days! The noise pollution was shocking out there. When I got home I noticed several missed calls on my mobile...not surprising really, as there was no way I'd have heard such a small noise out in that jungle.

Today more than ever before, I missed the wide open space, the peace and quiet, the nature of Canada. Ottawa and Hong Kong are worlds apart. Yin and Yang. Today I was definitely in the mood for yin, not yang. Ah well...such is life. For the next 2 weeks I need to plan some outings to the peaceful parts of Hong Kong, and there are some. I feel some hikes coming on while the roof gets fixed.

Happy New Year to our friends and family!

Happy New Year to our family and friends! This year was a bit of an odd new years eve, but then it was only living up to my expectations :-)

We stayed home, away from the crowds of people who no doubt filled the streets of Hong Kong. We enjoyed a nice meal, some alcoholic beverages and watched the midnight firework display from our apartment window. Our location is not exactly in the best spot for firework viewing but it was pretty impressive all the same and we have a video to prove it.

I can't help but wonder where we will be next new years eve but in the meantime, onwards with 2010!

Some photos from our Christmas in Thailand